Top Two Goose Movies

1. Winged Migrations (France, 2001)

Just the best goose footage. Lot’s of crazy inter-continental aerial stuff. If memory serves they hooked a camera up to a robot goose so you get some cool goose POV shots/real majestic goose portraits. I think it’s be great as a projected background during a dance party. The stoners on the couch would be super into it. Could also be cool edited into a video collage, like maybe weird goose establishing shots in a 100% recycled footage movie about factory workers in middle America. Maybe use it in a retelling of the golem legend from Hebrew folklore. Dunno how tenuously linked all these metaphors are, just spitballing here. Third way to use this movie: vicarious living out of deep-held wishes to be a goose.

2. Fly Away Home (USA, 1996)

The other good goose movie. Real sweet n’ tender family fare. Good for emotional catharsis and adorable gosling montages. It’s got Anna Paquin and Jeff Daniels (or maybe Jeff Bridges? I get those Jeffs mixed up) Anyway, remember this one? Doesn’t she build some kind of mechanical air ship in the third act? Weird that the two best goose movies also have to do with some elaborate goose tech.

Pretty sure these are the only good goose movies but I Googled it just to check. Here’re the results:

(Dis)honorable Mentions

A talking-goose melodrama with carnivorous Chevy Chase as the villain.

Rankin & Bass Mother Goose cartoon.

I guess there’s a new goose movie feat. the vocal talents of Jim Gaffigan (talk about zeitgeis huh?)

East German 60’s fairy tale flick(those can be fun)

More Mother Goose camp.

There’s a guy named Goose in Top Gun which I haven’t seen and, honestly, isn’t high on my watch list (I know, I know).

I guess a goose turns into a dude in the Kenneth Branagh Cinderella.

I can’t remember if there were any geese in the Duck Tales movie.

Pretty sure there aren’t any in this Yogi Bear movie despite the title.

So there you have it, pretty much just Winged Migrations. Happy watching Anatidae lovers!

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Jackass Number 2

Two stars

In this episode the guys glue their pubes to their friends(!)

The handsome one drinks horse cum

There’s a lot of rocket launches, snake bites & closeups of poop as it churns out of assholes

There’s a Busby Berkeley pastiche

It isn’t until Steve-O sticks a leech on his eyeball, you realize, this is a Faces of Death movie

D by: Jeff Tremaine w/John Waters, Johnny Knoxville, Tony Hawk, Spike Jonze, Juicy J, Bam Margera, Rip Tyler, Luke Wilson, etc…, USA, 2006

Winter’s Bone

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Three stars

“Thump Milton!” Ree yowls at the figure weaving away amongst the cattle below.  It’s a funny name but this isn’t a time for laughing.  Ree needs to find her Daddy or at least his remains before the cold comes and the bondsman kicks her family from the house.  The trees tower over her, the keepers of Ozark secrets.  A table in the woods is smeared with squirrel guts.  “Goddamn you Thump.” Ree says and travels home to a silence as wide as a reservoir.  For a moment she finds solace in the strings of an old banjo, in her kid sisters jubilant trampoline hops, then she bends over the leaking sink and spits her teeth out.

Captain America: Tinker Tailor Winter Soldier Spy

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Three stars

A man meets the ghost of his childhood in a field in Jersey.   Cap fights a Robocop on a bridge.  Later, on a bridge, crushing metal, squealing tires, rushing bullets!  90 year olds in the bodies of 30 year olds remember the war, pummel each other in falling spaceships.  Cap shares a kiss with ScarJo.    A Robocop meets the child of his ghost in a mini-mall in Jersey.  Takes place between Avengers movies.

Thankskilling 3

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0 stars

Colorful, garish, lot’s of cool puppets but beyond dumb.  A couple sketch comedy dudes try to salvage it and it’s visually pretty creative but the script is such a stinker.  Lot’s of gags about how bad the gags are, unsettling comfort with fillicide and uxoricide.  I could write better dick and fart jokes on no sleep.  This wannabe Meet the Feebles turkey (if I was Thankskilling 3 I’d say, “see what I did there?”)  The peice de resistance is an Evil Dead 2  parody.  The turkey muppet loses his phallus and replaces it with a chainsaw, he looks at the camera and says, “gravy”.  It’s a texturally arresting little piece of hate.  Honestly I don’t recall the 1st Thankskilling being much better though.