Star Trek 13

star_trek_beyond_poster

Two stars

Yeah, I saw it.  Chris Pine beat up Idris Elba.  There were some little alien guys that looked like big alien guys but then they slid down a space ramp and that was the joke, that they were little.  They showed up again after the final battle and were like, “Hey, remember us?  Remember when you were small and your mother held you?  The world was just as complicated then but you didn’t know it yet.  You could pine for those days, wax nostalgic for midnight walks around the cemetery with your best friend.  Or you could call that friend up, maybe do some Kundalini meditation, vote on state measures.  Shit’s alright dude, don’t fret.  All we have is the present bro.  Sincerely, the little aliens.”  When Chris Pine heard that he shed a single tear which floated off into space.  He smiled and put his arms around Spock and smelled his Vulcan breath and whispered, “We got this.”  And then someone cued up a Queen song and everyone was like, “Aw yeah, fuck yeah.”

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