The Lobster

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Four stars

Dad bod Farrell by tooth, by claw.  There’s a lot of talk of stabbing stomachs at the Last Chance Hotel.  Verdant bracken, the bay laps the shore.  Feral singles in the turgid wood.  A brutal film, richly imagined.  John C. Reilly would like to be a macaw when the torture’s over.

D & W by: Yorgos Lanthimos; More W: Efthimis Filippou; P by: Thimios Bakatakis; E by: Yorgos Mavropsaridis; w/Colin Farrell, Rachel Weisz, Léa Seydoux, Angeliki Papoulia, Ariane Lebed, Olivia Colman, John C. Reilly, Michael Smiley, etc…119 min, Ireland, 2016

Turbo Kid

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One star

There’s nothing surprising in Turbo Kid, you’ll know going in whether it’s your bag or not.  It’s ambitions are meager and it executes them with aplomb.  A penchant for gore & commercial 80’s youth nostalgia above all will get you into this robot girlfriend movie.  It is tired and thoughtless and niche but it has heart.  It’s somehow both sweet and mean.  It’s unfunny and boring.  Shares DNA with the inferior Hobo with a Shotgun and the superior (slightly) Beyond the Black Rainbow.  I watched it with people who loved it and you might too, I dunno man.  Pffffttt.

D & W by: François Simard, Anouk Whissell, & Yoann-Karl Whissell, M & P by: Jean-Phillipe Bernier, More M: Jean-Nicolas Leupi Le Matos, E by: Luke Haigh, FX by: Eric Thivierge, Olivier Xavier, Jean-Mathieu ‘Jib’ Bérubé, etc… S by: Marcello Bezina, Alex Stines, Jean-Francois Robitaile, etc..w/Munro Chambers, Laurence Leboeuf, Michael Ironside, Aaron Jeffery, Anouk Whissell, Edwin Wright, Romano Ozari, Orphée Ladouceur etc..93 min, Canada, 2015

Akira

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Three starsTwo stars

Roadside Billy pulled up to the grocery store.  “Hell yes, Syphillis!” he thought.  He was there to buy parsley & half & half.  This is a good anime.  Really good animation.  Nice gross stuff.  Real fluid motorcycle chases and ballooning flesh monsters.  A++

D,W & A by: Katsuhiro Ôtomo, More W: Izô Hashimoto, More A: Toshiharu Mizutani, Toyoaki Emura, Atsuko Fukushima, Yasihiro Seo, Tatsuyuki Tanaka, etc…, P by: Katsuji Misawa, M by: Shôji Yamashiro, E by: Takeshi Seyama, w/Mitsuo Iwata, Nozomu Sasaki, Mami Koyama, Tesshô Genda, Hiroshi Ôtake, Masaaki Ôkura, Kôichi Kitamura, Michihiro Ikemizu, etc…124 min, Japan, 1988

Idiocracy

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Two stars

Take this map to the city of Costco but hang onto your nards!  This is that picaresque, dick-and-balls, sci-fi, warning-cry, Eugenics cult classic comedy from 2006 that Terry Crews mines for web content every few years.  I liked the army officer very humbly attracted to the pimp lifestyle.  I liked the restaurant called Butt-fuckers. 

D & W by: Mike Judge, More W: Etan Cohen P by: Tim Suhrstedt, M by: Theodore Shapiro, E by: David Rennie, A by: Corissa Smith, Rob Perkins, Scott Macgruder, etc… w/Luke Wilson, Maya Rudolph, Dax Shepard, Justin Long, Terry Crews, Mike McCafferty, Thomas Haden Church, Scarface, etc…84 min, USA, 2006